Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
