I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
