Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
