He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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