just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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