is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
