But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
