He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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