Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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