Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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