First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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