I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Welp...herpes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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