I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
