what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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