And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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