I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
