You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You pole danced in your parka.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
