Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
