im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
