CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
