Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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