I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
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Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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