I just made out with a guy for $7.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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