I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
