She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
