I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
