I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
zippers are such a cool invention
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
