Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
