That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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