Plan B is the new Plan A
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
