then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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