Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
