Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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