shes about as inviting as chlamydia
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
