if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
