he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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