he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
