If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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