I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
