last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
