I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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