Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
