No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
if only i could text you this smell
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my liver is dry heaving
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
