I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
