I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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