So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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