please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize