it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
