I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."