She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The adults are the big ones right?
Dear god my vagina.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
