People in love make me want to vomit
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?