You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage