what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
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new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
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I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?