Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
