you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.