Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
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i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
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Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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