dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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