its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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