You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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