I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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