btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
