my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
