You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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