pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
