she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I cut my penus on the lid.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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