Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
