That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
