its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize