Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
