My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
