if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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