What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
