i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
only you would photoshop your dick
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
