the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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